life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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