hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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