Dual....:-)
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
