It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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