New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
