Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
