Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
