All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
