Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
