my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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