i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
