I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
