I wish I could teleport
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
