look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
