Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
