I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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