I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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