we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
