If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
