isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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