Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
