Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
