I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
