FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
