so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
