Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
