yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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