I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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