I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
