Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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