We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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