he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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