; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
