I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
