I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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