i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
