I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
