i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
