i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
