just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
