I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Fuck appropriateness.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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