Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
