Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
