The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
