Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
