we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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