Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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