I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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