Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
