Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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