So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
this just has baby written all over it
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
