At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
