Just fell off a train. Bad.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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