when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
