We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
