our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just gargled with NyQuil
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
