Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you inspire me to be a worse person
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
